In my therapy practice, I do not use the traditional psychoanalytical approach where one lies down on a couch and attempts to remember as much as possible from their past and anxiously waits for my grand interpretation at the end of session. In fact, I do not even have a couch in my office.

In my work, I strive to create a dynamic with my clients where we work together to discover more assertive and grounded approaches to current challenges or difficulties. One proven approach to accomplishing this is getting more informed and connected with the role of emotions in our lives.

“Emotions are a horrible master, but a great servant.”

Part of my goal is to help clients discover the benefits when emotions truly become servants. The root word of emotions means “to move.” One of the remarkable functions of our emotions is to actually move us toward our identity and goals. With this in mind, I guide my clients in ways to better identify and navigate their emotions in a healthy, productive way which can support their Christian walk.

13101 Washington Blvd., Suite 124

Los Angeles, CA 90066

Phone: 310-977-0417

In my training, I was always reminded that emotions are relational. Therefore, whenever someone discusses a problem or conflict that involves another person always be on the lookout for an emotion. Most emotions related to conflict are negative or uncomfortable (i.e. anger, sadness, fear). When most of us anticipate discomfort we start moving in an opposite direction on the path of denial. Ironically, those uncomfortable emotions hold the very keys to our dilemma. In fact, our relational brain is initiating those emotions for a reason, but our rational brain decides to detour toward smoother more complicated roadways.

Rational problems require rational solutions, but relational problems (even with ourselves) need the patience and curiosity to navigate the more rewarding options of relational solutions.

1. Determine what emotion is coming up in a conflict.
2. Try to articulate your emotion in one or two words.
3. Hold the feeling of that emotion for a few moments with some slow, deep breathes.
4. With the relational brain now engaged and calm, explore with healthy curiosity why that emotional response would make sense based on the circumstances.
5. Expressing rather then venting your feelings to another is a much more effective route to resolution.

The Path Workshop was a great success! I want to thank all the men that participated in this great event. Here are some of the comments that men provided:

“This helped me understand my brain and actions better. I have a better understanding of how I need to legitimately fulfill my needs.”

“This workshop was an answer to prayer. I have prayed for help in this area. This was terrific. A definite God-send.”

“Talking with other men about this issue was powerful.”

“I understand now the steps I’ve needed in order to change.”

“This helped me understand why I do what I do and how to overcome it.”

One of the strongest and repeated critiques of the entire program was getting so much information crammed into one day. It is my dream and vision (and profession – inside joke!) to expand this workshop into a “Men’s Workshop” that would be open to all men and could take place over a 2-day weekend retreat in the wilderness. As many men were surprised to understand at the workshop, dealing with impurity is not about seeking purity but more about truly understanding our masculine identity and God’s plan for us as men to grow and thrive in life. Please keep it in your prayers and conversations so that this type of event could occur in the future!

Now taking care of oneself can imply many areas: spiritually, physically, recreational, relational, etc.

Whatever area you aren’t 100%, probably needs some attention.

With low energy, grim motivation, little patience and no comfort or support, HOW can a person parent. I have to be my best ME before I can be a good parent. Otherwise I will parent my child with stress, anxiety, impatience, frustration, exhaustion, hopelessness, doubts, etc. With these circumstances, we have little chance of truly loving our children in a transforming way necessary to influence or save them.

Similarly, if we do not allow ourselves to be truly parented by God, we have a slim chance of giving our kids the parenting they are supposed to have.

One Bible verse that I misunderstood for years was Acts 20:35-

It is more blessed to give than to receive.

The obvious conclusion of this teaching is to give more. YET there is another more subtle lesson in these few words.

It is blessed to receive.

Did you catch that? It says it is more blessed to give, NOT blessed to give and cursed to receive.

If we minimize the blessing of receiving and hold on rigidly to the concept of giving and giving, we eventually fall. The formula doesn’t work. Jesus certainly gave a lot in his lifetime, but in order to do that we also notice him receiving a lot via time with God, time with friends, time in nature, rest, accepting hospitality, etc. We must get in order to give.

Reflections:

1. What kind of blessings have you received from God in the last few days?
2. What kind of blessing have you received from people close to you in the last few days?
3. What kind of blessings have you provided yourself in the last few days? (Oops! Is that OK to bless yourself? Pray on that one.)
4. How did you receive these blessings mentioned above? How did you feel inside? How do you feel right now recalling these blessings?

But let us take even more from this verse. How does God love us? What does that mean? What does the process of loving us look like? Jesus introduced us to God as Father. It was a concept so outrageous that it triggered the conspiracies to kill him. Yet Jesus’ most dangerous message became our most important message – God as Father. This answers a huge question about how God loves us. He parents us. Perfectly.

Now, let’s look at 1 John 4:19 through this new lens:

“We parent because he first parented us.”

If I am not parented by God or do not accept parenting from God, I have a very slim chance of offering good parenting to my children. Unless we fathom how God parents us or better yet how God does NOT parent us, we are leaving our parenting to the wind of good intentions. Our children deserve more than well-intentioned parents. They deserve to have parents that are fully loved, nurtured and supported themselves.

Reflections:

1. In what ways do I see God loving me on a daily basis?

2. What characteristics of God remind you of fatherly characteristics?

3. What does parenting mean to you?

4. How has God parented you this week?